sick

we have been sick a lot this spring.  mostly little arie, but the rest of us have had a turn too.  we've learned that arie's little body really struggles to fight off infections and viruses; and when he gets a fever, it tends to spike very high, which can be scary.  i'm ashamed to admit that i've obviously taken health for granted, especially that of my older children thus far. it's hard to know how to manage these things.  do i trust arie's pediatrician as we try the 4th different antibiotic in three months, while at the same time reading studies about how we've managed to make ourselves resistant to them?  do i try to heal painful ear infections or illnesses with essential oils or homeopathic treatments, or get tubes and hope things improve?  could i have somehow prevented arie's neurological differences and developmental delay if i had been on a specialized diet while i was pregnant, or did i unknowingly do something that hurt him while he was in my belly?  i've spent a lot of the last year asking why, and even some of it feeling guilty for asking why.  i've cried to dan, to doctors, to my parents; i've googled stuff way more that i should.(have we not learned that searching for answers online at 3am is never ever ever a good idea?!?)   you can find a study or theory to back up pretty much anything out there, which then leads to more confusion.

i am proactive for all of my childrens health, but we live in a culture where it is awfully hard to not question every health related choice we make, or worry that we are doing it wrong, just because others may do it differently. it's hard to not worry that i'm being judged for my parenting choices. and it's also hard at times to guard against judging others for theirs.  fear places a strong grip on us, and it manifests in many different ways. (for me it's trying too hard to control everything! oh, and some anxiety pops in there pretty regularly too....)

as a family we try to eat healthily, be active, sleep well, and take care of one another--all the while knowing that God's sovereignty doesn't protect us from the hurts of this life, but it can and does preserve us through them. as a mom that can be hard to remember sometimes.  but i'll keep trying.

of course, they all look so pathetically sad when they are sick i can't help but take a picture.